What Good Is My Love Song

When Your Not Around To Hear It?

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What a week! I am so glad it is over! I was sick most of the week then just as I was starting to feel better on Thursday I got some crushing news. How is it that men can just turn your world upside down. Well I don't really let that happen anymore, because I just do not allow anyone to affect me in negative ways. It was not a mad thing, it was a heart' ache thing. Which brings me to.. I just do not understand men, at all. Most of my life I have been too smothering to men. It took me a long time to figure this out. Once I did figure this out I started backing off, giving them room. Well in this instance seems I gave too much room. So seems this approach for me hasn't worked either. I give up!

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You know for the past year I have really been working on me. Which is a good thing and I figured that whatever is supposed to happen will happen. But there was a certain someone who I met who was very special to me. We had a great time together every time we were together. I mean laughing so hard tears would run down my face. Every time we started to get close he would back off. The first time it happened my old smothering self flipped out. But then I learned the art of patience. He would always come back, and when he did, things were just as they were before, great, fantastic and awesome good times.

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We met after both of us had just gotten out of long, bad relationships. Guess we were each others rebounds. I had been broken up with my ex boyfriend of four years for about a month and he had just broken up with his ex girlfriend a couple of weeks before. We discussed our ex's very rarely. When he did discuss this ex, you could tell she had really hurt him. The story goes she had moved in with him, started doing drugs, staying out all night, and sleeping with his friends. Then she up and moved to California. He was confused and so openly hurt by this woman that he didn't want to get close to anyone else. Thus the reason every time we started getting close he would disappear. Like I said, I would just give him room and he always came back. This time I let it go too long without getting in touch and guess what? I got a text this past Thursday while I was at work that said his ex had moved back, he had gotten back with her. He had told her about us, which she was not very happy about and had FORBID him to talk to me.

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How does this happen? For one, she screwed over him so bad. Secondly who can FORBID anyone anything? How does this work? Doesn't that seem a little overbearing? Do men like this? Why is it that every guy I date and we go our separate ways for one reason or another, they wind up with women who run their lives? Do I give men too much freedom? I mean I just treat people the way I want to be treated. I can barely run my own life, why would I want to run another persons life? It just amazes me is these men seem to flock to this, they are okay with this. I just do not understand.

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Okay in all honesty after I received the text I started thinking negative, which I try never to do. I was thinking maybe he told me this because he just wasn't interested anymore. So...I don't know about you women out there but I did a little investigating and I saw with my own eyes. Yes, he truly was with his ex. This woman is not pretty, in fact she is rather manly looking, but you know I do know looks are not everything. So I'm thinking maybe she is a cool, sweet person. Then I remembered all the things I was told about her and how she had taken him for granted and used him. So I just do not understand.

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Anyone who knows me knows that I am a good person. I am not a bitch, though I do stand up for what I believe in. I do not allow anyone to use me, those days are gone for I am not a stupid young girl anymore. But I will go out of my way a little bit every now and then for someone I care about. But I have also learned not to do too much because that makes you become the "mother" figure and I that's not how I want to be perceived. It's just all too confusing. This woman does not deserve this handsome, hilarious, fun, happy all around good guy. She doesn't deserve him!! I always said any woman who he actually trusted enough to give his heart to would be the luckiest woman on earth. Well...looks as if he has done this, and has given it to the same person who broke it all to pieces before.

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So, I was very hurt, hurt on the inside because I know I would never treat this guy the way she has in the past. I mean I know he is not a "God" and I wouldn't treat him as one. He is just a man, but a man that I felt comfortable with from the moment I met him. You know the kind that when you first talk for the very first time it is if you have known each other for years. Someone you can do and say anything to knowing that you won't be judged and you are totally and unconditionally accepted. Sometimes we meet a man and we want to change them in some way. There is not one thing I would want this guy to change, he was perfect. I mean yea at times he was loud, obnoxiously loud, but a funny, hilarious obnoxious loud. One that would make me laugh so hard my sides would ache from laughing so much.

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All I can say is I hope this ex girlfriend knows how very lucky she is to have a man such as him and doesn't take him for granted again. But I have a feeling she will. I pray that he doesn't marry her and have children and then she pulls some of the old same stuff. At which point he will probably figure out that he doesn't deserve to be treated that way and what he thought would change didn't and what he has isn't happiness at all. Makes me sad to think such a wonderful fun, happy guy is going to be treated that way. Maybe not, maybe she has changed, but I am not convinced.

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So tell me if you think I am crazy. I really truly care for this guy. I feel as if I want to fight for him. That is something I have never felt or done before. We were good together. Usually I just chalk a relationship up to an experience and move on. But this one is different. This guy captured my heart in a way no other man ever has. Now I don't want to disrupt his life, or confront him/her at all. I am not into drama. I have always heard slow and steady wins the race. With that being said, I am not going to let him forget about me. I already have a Christmas present for him I got over the summer. It's nothing big. It is a game. He loves to figure stuff out and my girlfriend has this game and it drives her crazy trying to figure it out. So when I saw this in the store over the summer I grabbed it for him. I think it cost 10.00. Like I said nothing big. I am going to send it to him at his work. Like I said I don't want to cause drama, or disrupt his life. I just want to show him in sweet little ways that he is thought of and I have left an open door.

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So yeah, Thursday was a sad day for me. But then again I always try to be positive and I am. I know I am a good person. I know I have a heart of gold. I know that when God is ready to put a man in my life, he will. I am not out looking I am just living this life and being me. I am a happy me and I like the happy me, and that is how I am going to stay.

No Matter What :)

I'm going nuts.....Coconuts!!!!!!!

The Benefits of Virgin Unrefined Coconut Oil

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Yes, I said Virgin Unrefined Coconut Oil. A friend turned me onto this the benefits of this "wonder oil/drug" and I researched it and have decided...I am going to try it. It can be used in so many different ways and from what I have researched is supposed to be really good for you.

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The first thing I thought of was the cosmetic type beauty benefits. It it can be used on skin for, what they say, will leave you with the softest, most silky skin you have ever experienced. Well..for me that is always a plus, especially since I live in such a dry climate. It can also be used on your hair kind of like a deep oil treatment. That is also a plus to me because I have bleached my hair for so long that it is just dead and it is starting to look that way. I haven't tried that yet but I will sometime this week. I will let you know how my hair turns out.

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But besides of the cosmetic side of this there is another whole other story that is very interesting. It can be used to maintain your health and immune system! It can be used in cooking instead of other oils you would normally use. I found that research and studies on communities who get large portions of their calories from coconut and coconut oils show it to be a good oil for health maintenance. Okay now this part is a little technical but I have to get this idea across to you. Medium chain fatty acids, which account for up to 75% of the fatty acids in coconut oil, are digested and assimilated differently than long chain fatty acids found in most other oils. Medium chain fatty acids support a healthy immune system. Eventually the body uses them for energy!!! Fat storage is always a 14 carbon chain molecule and medium chain fatty acids are comprised of 6 to 12 carbon atoms. There is no evidence that medium chain fatty acids EVER become part of fat storage. So tonight I used it instead of Pam Cooking Spray in my skillet when cooking potato's. My potato's cooked just fine and tasted just as good. I couldn't tell a difference in taste. So that is a good sign so far!!

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So you may be asking, what about cholesterol? Well coconut oil is a naturally cholesterol-free food. Cool...so it must be good for the heart, or that's what I am thinking.

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And get this is....my favorite...it is supposed to also help in weight loss!!!! To sum up what I read, Coconut oil is a healthy source of Medium chain triglycerides, which the body readily absorbs and converts to energy.

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So, why don't more people know about this? I have no idea. I am just glad that I have found out about it. So yesterday on my break from work I went to Hi Health and purchased a 14oz container of this miracle oil...lol. It wasn't expensive at all, the brand I purchased was Spectrum and I believe I paid 8.00 for it.

I also found a very interesting website Tropical Traditions which explained all about Virgin Unrefined Coconut Oil and its benefits. Another cool thing about this site is it explains how Virgin Unrefined Coconut Oil is made. It also explains why you should buy Unrefined instead of the others. I have had enough trouble explaining the health benefits so I am not even going to touch how it is made.

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I am always looking for healthier ways of living for my daughter and I and this coconut oil is all new to me, but I am going to try it. From what I read and researched, it cant hurt!! So as I continue on with this quest of health and weight loss I will keep you updated on how this coconut oil works for me.

Perfection

The Obsession of Perfection

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Today I got an text message from a former co-worker wanting to talk. We had kinda lost touch so I scheduled some time this evening. Our talk turned out to be a 3 hour long conversation.

Seems she has been clinically depressed for about a month. She had gotten so obsessed with perfection that she wound up making a big mistake.

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She had been having acne breakouts and wanted her face to be perfect to the point that she tried some prescription medication. The medication burned her skin to the point that it left a bleach spot on her face. This then lead to her not leaving the house, not wanting to be seen out in public, not wanting to be seen by anyone at all. This girl is so beautiful inside and out that it hurt me that she was hurting. Women I'm sure you all know that we are such nurturing souls we cant hear or see our friends go through any type of hurt without it hurting us too. It hurt me because like I said this girl was, and I'm sure still is, beautiful. Of course she does have a beautiful face, but she also has a body to die for and she is a real and genuine person on the inside to boot. Her Dr. as well as I assured her it would all be okay. I also assured her that her life was not at an end because of this imperfection. Also she told me that the Dr. had told her that her face would heal and the bleach spot would no longer be visible in time. Which lead me to the thought of.....

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Why do we do this, why do we become so obsessed with being perfect. No one is perfect, we all know this, but still we try. We see all the models who have professionals do their make up and hair, have you ever seen Oprah without her makeup and hair done! It makes a BIG DIFFERENCE! Then you have the women who have the money and time to have personal trainers and go to the gym everyday and have killer bodies, give me a break! I mean of course I would like a personal trainer, but I have neither the money or time for this. Then you see the super thin models with their HUGE breast implants!! Who can look like this naturally? NO ONE!!!! Sure I will be the first one to admit I want implants and I am on the way to getting them. I have wanted breast implants since the age 18!! That is a dream of mine as well as a goal I have set for myself and I set it a LONG time ago. You can bet that I am damn sure gonna get them. But that is just me. Some people want the perfect face, or the perfect body, or both. But no one really talks about the perfect soul.

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I think we should all look at our assets and build upon them. Have confidence in who you are. Do you know when I was really overweight (220 lbs at 5'2) I hated going out in public. I felt really bad in anything that I wore because I was so big. Then once I went to a concert and saw someone bigger than me but they looked good. This was confusing to me because they weren't the perfect weight, they didn't have the perfect body or face, so what was it that they had?

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It was that they had confidence! They had the confidence to wear what they wanted and because of their confidence they looked good in what they wore. Their spirit from the inside shown through to their outer being. I'm sure you have all experienced this, you see someone, they are not perfect but they have tons of attention from the opposite gender because of their confidence!!

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As well as I'm sure you have seen that man or woman with the perfect body and the perfect face and they are ugly on the inside. I have met a few of those and once I found out their personalities, and who they were on the inside, they were no longer attractive.

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All in all its really who you are on the inside that counts. Maybe you are not a super model but you are a beautiful person and because this beauty shines through you attract many people. So be proud of who you are. Hold your head up high, have confidence in yourself, and people will notice!!

Time Flies - Doesn't That Mean I'm Supposed to be Having Fun?

Well...today was supposed to be a day off... But it wasn't really a day off. I woke up late and had to rush out of the house for an 9:00am appointment. That appointment just lead to another appointment. Okay..done now a little time for relaxation........that's a BIG NO!! I came back to my apartment and had laundry I had forgotten that I HAD to do for my daughter. Okay now it is around noon and laundry is in...now I can work on this blog and look for a new template...well...that's a BIG NO...my Cox Internet is DOWN!!! So now I'm getting stuff ready for my daughter's Dr. appointment. I rush and put the clothes in the dryer and run to pick her up to get to the Dr.'s on time. We get there a little early and they take us in right away (cool). Now it's around 3:00 (and $30.00 later)and I now have to go to the pharmacy and get medicine for my daughter. We wait for the prescription to get filled, finally filled and $10.00 co-payment later now the time is approaching 4:00.

I get a text from one of my friends at work and one of my old students (my FAVORITE student) who had moved last November is back at our school for the day!! So I rush over to the school and visit my precious "Ava". She had grown SO much! But just as beautiful if not more beautiful than the last time I had seen her. All my fears of her not remembering me has left because she does remember me and that brings joy to my heart. Let alone that I had to bring cookies...cause I always spoiled her with a cookie every time she saw me after she had grown and left my classroom. But with the cookies in hand how could she had forgotten me? lol...


My daughter and I stayed and visited and before I knew it the time was approaching 5:15. I was supposed to have my daughter back to her fathers around 5:20 because it was his night to have her. We leave and get to her fathers. Her father invites me in to hear all about the Dr.'s visit. Okay...get that over with, now it is finally time to head home the time now is 6:00. On the way home I notice a gas station and remember I have to get gas. So I pull in and the good news is the price is only $3.09 a gallon. So I fill up and now I finally get to head home. I get home around 6:30. Make dinner for myself...check the Internet...which is now working wooo hooo and I am now writing this post for today FINALLY!!! and it's ONLY 7:45pm.


So much for a day off..... but is there ever REALLY a DAY OFF?


Not in my world....

Janet Jackson - Rushed to Hospital Before Concert

Janet Jackson

I just happened to notice while checking my email that Janet Jackson has been hospitalized. From what I can gather she fell "suddenly ill" after a sound check right before a concert in Montreal and was rushed to the hospital there. I went to Janet Jackson's official site and not to take light of anyone that has fallen ill one of the things I found was this on her site which I assume is from her publisher, "Janet Jackson's latest choreographed concert spectacle is an aggressive reminder to the world that she is a woman who has risen above fads and scandal … It is a reminder that she is a trend-setter in her own right, a true diva, and a marvelous performer."***THANK YOU

You know my thoughts are for someone who was trying to stay away from fads and or scandal you Miss. Jackson have now put yourself in the thick of it. I'm not saying this is done intentionally but that is what has happened. It seems that if you are in the public eye, as she has been her whole life, everything you do is going to be publicized. Illness is no longer just an illness, not in the public eye anyway. I'm sure there will be rumours floating around the globe surrounding this "illness". I treat people as I would want to be treated so I'm not going to adhere to rumour and scandalous action. I feel sorry for Miss Jackson. I hope this is not something done for publicity but then again I hope that she is not ill and this is not a serious health issue. Anyway.... Miss Jackson whatever the issue may be I wish you a speedy recovery.

Now with that being said I'm off to another day of work.

MINDFREAK

Something that caught my attention this past week was the interest people have in Chris Angel. I mean Chris Angel is HOT, HOT, HOT in my book. I met him at Ozzfest a few years ago and he is just as hot in person as he is on the silver screen. Also he is very, super-duper nice and cordial.
Anyways on his t.v. show Chris Angel MINDFREAK last week was very unusual and strange but that is not what was so disturbing. The disturbing part was Chris did a stunt where he was inside a car that blew up. Now on all of his other shows and his incredible stunts you always see the end result where Chris is shown and comments on the stunt. This time he did not appear…the show just went off without letting his audience know if he was alive or dead. I did some research on this and went to his myspace where he had comments from fans who were begging for him to post something and say he was okay. There were even posts where people said they had cried…thinking he was dead. Others who pleaded for him to never do this to his audience again..leaving them hanging not knowing what was the real outcome of the stunt. It has been a few days since Chris’s stunt and still no word. My opinion is he is alive…if he wasn’t it would have been on the news. There is no way the media would have let this slip by. By all means if there is any type of tragedy the media would have been all over it….
Guess we will have to wait to see if my thoughts are correct.